My mom was like, “Let’s go to the doctor.” First she told me to get an abortion. I said, “No. I’m not doing it because it’s my first child.”
I got baptized in 2010. I was about 13. When I got filled [with the Holy Spirit] I was happy and everything. I started worshiping God. I didn’t care about nobody.
After a while I started wearing jeans [pants] because I see a lot of people doing it. I still wear jeans. My mom told me to stop. I told her: “No, I’m not ready to stop. When God’s ready to change me He will.” I feel comfortable wearing jeans.
I didn’t really understand what it means to be filled when I got filled. Everybody [in my Pentecostal church] told me to get the Holy Ghost. I started reading the Bible but sometimes I got aggravated and couldn’t [be] bothered with that. I asked my mom some stuff but sometimes my mom didn’t understand the Bible.
I just turned 20. I still wear jeans even though we [Pentecostals] are not supposed to wear jeans. You’re not supposed to have tattoos or do certain stuff except if you’re married but I did it anyway. To be honest I see myself as a backslider. I’ve been like this about three or four years.
I found out I was pregnant in January. My mom kept saying: “You’re pregnant! You’re pregnant!” I said, “No, I’m not.”
Then I went and did this pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant.
I was upset.
My mom was like, “Let’s go to the doctor.” First she told me to get an abortion. I said: “No. I’m not doing it because it’s my first child.” (Wipes tears)
Then she was like: “You know what? Let’s just let God deal with this.”
I said “OK.” So I just kept it.
The baby’s father told me to get an abortion. I was like “No, you could go to hell.” (Wipes tears again). Yeah. I just deal with it on my own. I feel strong. If my mom didn’t tell me like, don’t get an abortion, [maybe] I would have still did it. I don’t know. Because once you do abortion it could affect your body. You can’t have no more kids so that’s why I think, that’s why I didn’t do it.
I’m scared to give birth. I speak to God in spirit. I don’t like say the words.
Sometimes I wish this didn’t happen or I wish I was talking to somebody else instead of doing what I did. We talk (me and the baby’s father) if I need some baby clothes or stuff. Other than that, my mom has my back.
I’m happy God is there for me. Even though I’ve been through it all. He’s still God. No matter what. The best thing that God is doing in my life right now is changing my life around and letting me see little by little. Even though I’m still going through it, He’s still there.
I’m due September 23. I’m scared. I pray to God for strength. After the baby is born I’m still gonna go back to school and get my education to be there for my daughter. I don’t want her to look down on me. I gotta stand up and be there and do it for my daughter.
[Editor’s note: This story, as told by Shermaine, was lightly edited for content and clarity]